Happy Halloween :0

http://www.animestop.co.uk/happy-halloween/
Happy Halloween to everyone out there. Halloween; best holiday for me and my friends. Its a time where you dress up and say three little words to get free candy. People (12 and up..)seem to think that they're too old to go dressing up to get free candy, when people in Australia who are 19 and up, come banging on your door saying,"Oi, Where's tha candy?!?" I guess we have different reasons why we don't celebrate Halloween. Halloween is also a time where teenagers: Steal other peoples' candy, Egg someones house, play pranks, and terrorize others for fun. Since I've been bullied before, people ask me how could I have a smile on my face when someone is throwing insults at me. I just smile and reply, "It hurts when someone you care about talks down on you. I don't care about these people around me, as far as I'm concerned, I'm happy with the insults, because it shows how much of a jerk people are." I don't really know why, but sometimes I think the people around me are fake; just an illusion; but I know so very well I'm  wrong. Okay, okay I promised myself that  I wouldn't post something depressing on this special blog post.

I am in love with Alfred Hitchcock movies, I mean they are so old but so good. I love watching corny scary movies with my mother, because we have something to watch together in common. I like Wolfman and all that other good stuff! Well, it's time for me to go Trick-or-Treating I'll post another blog soon, but until then talk to Sir Alfred Hitcock!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Hitchcock

Le Silence Des Autres

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x604756
'Le Silence Des Autres' means The Silence of Others. This title, in bully victim terms, mean 'No One is Speaking Up For What's Right' Why do people bully? What's the point? How do I stop it? Should I stop it? It seems like these questions are asked every single time someone falls victim. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming, that it leads to suicide, and who's fault is that? The Bully? The Witnesses? Or The Victim? Teenagers are scared to tell someone, for if they do, the physical and mental torture will increase. Some teenagers parents don't care they will say: 'Oh, it's good for you!' 'It builds character' 'Just try to ignore it' and the one that kills me the most: 'Man.Up.' Take a moth for example, it's plain, it's annoying, no one likes it. Yet, it still does it's everyday duties as a creature of this world. Humans are so judgemental, it's not even funny. Like I said in my other post, I wear wigs, so on Monday I came to school without it and I went straight to math class. As I sat down the, (not racist) black girls in my class were quiet with wide eyes. Then, the leader came into class; god I hate her...She disgusts me and I don't even know her. All of the black  girls laughed at me and I had to sit in front of the class. I ignored it, I really didn't care, I was comfortable with how my hair looks, and the only girl that protected me in class, was my All American Crazy Best Friend, Clarissa(I'll just call her Issa). My mother told me just before I went to school: 'Doodle-bug, if this is how you want to express yourself, go for it because it's all about what makes you comfortable, not how to please others. You can't please the world; someone is going to have to get disappointed at some point!' I took in those words, and I felt like a peacock, stretching out my feathers, testing them for the first time ever, and I felt confidant. What I'm saying is: "Stretch out those dang peacock feathers and strut your stuff with confidence on your shoulders!"

If this is how you want to express yourself, go for it because it's all about what makes you feel comfortable. -Karlyn(my mum)

The Razor Blades

I sometimes wished I was normal. Normal hair, normal clothes...normal everything. I soon figured out "why should I be normal..when weird is even better?' When people hurt themselves I feel bad, because that used to be me. Once you start you can't stop, and that's what is going to kill you. When I used to cut myself, I couldn't just stop, not that I really wanted to at that time. My body needed it; craved it...craved it so much that it made my skin on fire and the only way to stop the burning was to cut away at my arms. I had my reasons for doing it, I just did.not.want.help. I did it when I started 5th grade, I had prepared for everyone to come and want to be my friend, and all that other fairy tale crap. No, I had disgusted and repulsed looks thrown at me like I was a piece of filth on the floor. I learned that Sagittarius' were supposed to be all optimistic, I am optimistic sometimes towards others, but when it comes to me..meh. Okay back on topic! I got caught with fresh wounds, when my (ex)best friend Daze began cutting too. Not deep like mine, but kinda like the scratches you get from a cat. We kept it a secret, I could have sworn she thought cutting was a joke, but I took it serious. The first time she did it in front of me, I was creeped out, because I was doing it too, but not in front of people. I vowed to stop mutilating myself; I didn't last long, the next week I was doing it all over again. The effects were wearing off, so I cut deeper and that special feeling came back. Daze was so stupid enough to color on her wounds, and the color stayed there. She was stupid to wear short sleeved shirts, against her slightly tanned skin. Her cousin seen it, her whole family seen it, her mum and cousin came over to my house and told my mum. She seen it, my brother seen it, even my dog seen it. Daze was so stupid, I wanted to hurt her in so many ways, for telling my secret. I even wanted to kill her, then kill myself, but I tried pushing those thoughts out of my head. They kept coming back, and for the first time ever...I was afraid of myself. Oh, and in place of my self harming issues, I wrote stories and took up sewing with my mum. Just something to get my mind off of it, and another way to get a chance to hang out with my only available parent. The key is to keep your hands busy, even if you're upset, because if you don't you'll fall back into that old habit.

 "Sometimes all it takes is a cut full of purpose, and you're hooked"

From a Wolf's Perspective

Bullying at School and Online. Digital image. Education.com. Education.com, n.d. Web. 9 Oct. 2012. topic/school-bullying-teasing/>.

 I understand that sometimes someone bullies others to make themselves confidant. What about the victims? They're tormented which either leads to self harming (cutting, burning, etc.), suicide, school shootings, and self hate. Adults aren't any better, they bully too, it's not just the kids. It drives you to the point of insanity as you sit there and take the physical and emotional torment. I was a victim for a stupid reason; I was new and I loved wearing wigs, it wasn't that i was mean to anyone, I was just being myself until I was called names so bad that my mum wouldn't even say them. I then thought, 'These people are suppose to be my friends. Why are they being mean to me. What did i do wrong?' Nothing. I did absolutely nothing wrong which made me think of the little things I do wrong. Like how I bite (and ingest) my fingernails when I'm nervous or angry. I have a loud sneeze, I don't like wearing dresses, and I don't like looking girly. My thoughts began to swirl to the point I would sit in class and say nothing, it hurt to breathe, to voice my opinion, and to look people in the eyes. I always told myself, the eyes are the windows to the soul, and I didn't want anyone to look me in the eyes, because when I looked in the mirror I didn't see a soul. I saw an ugly horrid monster trying to break free. The only relief I felt was when I cried, I cried in the shower late at night so no one can her my wails of anguish. Ha, I sounded like an injured wolf, speaking of wolves; that is what got me through a day of school. I thought about how free and majestic they were and I made up stories in my mind. Stories of how I had my own wolf pack, and we would go on hunts and all the good stuff. This sounds so stupid now that I think about it, but it got me through my grunge days. I was traumatized when these things started happening, I didn' tell my mum and I put on my mask of happiness to keep her from worrying. I hope to one day share my story to victims,the story of, how I survived.